Stuck in a Ditch
by luvsanime02
Summary: One-shot. Roy's confused. Then again, so is Ed.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and this is for pleasure, not profit. I would never insult Arakawa Hiromu by implying otherwise.

**AN:** Rated K+ for mild language. Based on the 2003 anime. (Edited 12.2013)

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**Stuck in a Ditch** by luvsanime02

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"You know what? I had such a crush on you years ago." This was said with a self-conscious laugh. The forced kind, Roy knew, because he had learned throughout their friendship that Ed's real laugh was a bark of surprise that turned into full-body chuckling.

Roy Mustang's brain promptly petered out like an engine that had sputtered to a halt and slid sideways into the nearest ditch.

He turned the ignition and revved the engine by tossing back the rest of his tumbler of scotch, hoping the burn would act as fuel. No such luck, so he poured himself another one.

When that one too was gone, and a third was poured just in case, Roy turned back to face his companion, another way to stall more than anything. Edward Elric was giving him a cautious look, amber-shaded golden eyes as carefully guarded as always.

Roy wanted to ask if he was drunk, but could see no way to do so without trivializing what Ed had just told him. The last thing he wanted was for Ed's declaration to turn into a shouting match. Besides, Ed didn't have a drink in his hand.

'But, why?' Roy's brain wondered, and that was the crux of his confusion, the reason he couldn't pull himself back together enough to produce words. 'Why?'

Still, Ed was starting to look more annoyed and embarrassed than cautious, and the man's legendary temper hadn't simmered down so much over the years that Roy didn't feel a hint of unease at the change. Gamely, he cleared his throat.

"When you say 'years ago,' Ed," he asked, voice sounding as dead as his brain, "that means what, exactly?" The very idea of Ed having once had a crush on him was… There were _no words _for that, but surely it couldn't have been 'years.'

Oddly enough, the flat tone seemed to calm Ed down. It was enough to make Roy mildly curious about what response the other man had been expecting. Unfortunately, his brain was still in a ditch and a tow truck hadn't arrived yet. Well, one thought at a time then.

"You know," Ed said, waving a hand, and Roy had never really been entirely sure what was supposed to be conveyed by that gesture, especially from an Elric, but luckily Ed went on more, as he often did. "When you were a colonel, and I was some teenaged brat in your command."

He made the comment flippantly. Roy would have to agree that Ed had been an absolute brat back then, albeit a brat full of sheer genius and determination. Still, what the hell? He opened his mouth, paused when he felt something liquid rush over his hand, and realized that he was dripping very fine, expensive scotch that Riza had bought especially for him onto the same woman's carpet. Quickly, he jerked the tumbler upright again.

He turned his gaze back up to Ed, only to realize that the other man was now looking at the mess on the floor with one eyebrow raised. The scotch did make a rather noticeable color contrast to the light cream of the carpet, but Roy's brain still couldn't multifunction, couldn't handle worrying both about Riza shooting him and Ed in front of him, and so he once again prioritized.

"Why," Roy began, and then paused because now there were many whys, not just one, and now his brain's car engine was smoking in addition to being stuck in the ditch and where the hell was that damn tow truck?

"Why didn't I tell you back then?" Ed guessed, and the least Roy could do was nod, because yes, that was one of the whys, even if it wasn't the original one. Ed snorted, loud and expressively, and stared at him like he wasn't sure if Roy was joking or not.

Roy took this moment to focus his thoughts on the scotch long enough to drink the remains in his tumbler before setting it down, lest he spill any more. It only took a second for Roy to miss the glass, not having before realized that it had been giving him something to do with his hands. Ed spoke before he could debate whether crossing his arms would make him look intimidated or not, and so he left them dangling awkwardly at his sides.

"Why the hell would I have done something as masochistic as that?" Ed exclaimed, his tone exasperated more than anything. "You teased me about _every_thing back then. Like I was really going to give you more material to work with."

Ed, it seemed, had no problem with multitasking at the moment, because he ended his point by crossing his arms over his own chest. It was when Roy realized he was envious of Ed's ability to think in complete sentences, hell, that he was able to think multiple words at the same time, that Roy's brain gave a last-ditch effort and turned the key again. He almost visibly started at his synapses firing into third gear, skipping gears one and two altogether and grinding his thoughts in the process.

"Ed," Roy questioned, his tone as smooth as always, with just a hint of his own exasperation showing through, "you're twenty and engaged. It's been, what, five years? Something close to that? Why in the world are you telling me this now?" And Roy almost held his breath, because that was the question he really wanted answered. The original why.

To give Ed some credit, Roy thought wryly, he at least had the decency to look mildly abashed. Roy curled one hand on his own hip and raised one of his eyebrows, still silently marveling at his ability to once again do both simultaneously, and waited Ed out. Thankfully, he did not have to wait long.

Ed shook his head, although it seemed to be at himself and not Roy. His high ponytail slipped forward onto his right shoulder, the bright gold a sharp contrast to his navy blue dress shirt. "I know," Ed said, slowly at first and then rushing on. "I have no idea, really. It's just, I am twenty now and engaged and all that, and getting ready to settle down. I suppose that's why."

Ed's eyes, which had been on the carpet, on the stain actually, now flicked to Roy's, and for the first time since Ed had walked over to him at this party Roy thought he understood the world again. Ed was, in his own way, trying to clear the air between them, to put the past behind himself, and so he had come clean about a crush from 'years' ago. Ed's declaration had nothing to do with the present. He was simply saying something he thought he should have told Roy in the past.

Roy thought about that for a minute, thought about all the looks and anger and those damn eerie impersonations of him Ed had gone around spouting, and it all suddenly made so much sense that he felt like rolling his eyes at himself for being so blind back then and needing Ed to have to point it out to him now.

Ed must have caught something of his thoughts on his face and grinned suddenly. "Hindsight, right?" he asked rhetorically, and Roy snorted softly in agreement.

The party was winding down, Roy found out. Knowing Ed, he had waited until it was late and Roy already had a drink or two in him before he broached the subject. Remembering the stain, Roy quickly shot a furtive look around the room, but the newly-appointed Colonel Hawkeye was facing a group on the other side of the room and not paying any attention to him and Ed near the bar. Thus, she was currently unaware of the mess Roy had made.

"I'd clean it up for you with alchemy," Ed said, interrupting his thoughts, "but there's no way in hell she wouldn't notice that and come marching over to drill us about it anyway."

Ed was right, Roy knew, but that didn't necessarily help his current predicament. Sighing, he took out some club soda and grabbed some napkins. He then spent the next five minutes with Ed as a wary lookout blotting the scotch on the carpet just as Gracia had taught him to all those years ago. To his delight, and immense relief, the color eventually lifted off, leaving the carpet damp but clean.

Roy even managed to dispose of the napkins without being detected. "Mission accomplished, General?" Ed asked amusedly, a wicked gleam of mischief left over from his childhood suddenly coming to flare in his eyes. Roy smirked at his friend.

"Considering I did all the work? Of course it was," he teased. Ed rolled his eyes.

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Roy really shouldn't have been all that surprised by the knock on his door two weeks later. And maybe he wouldn't have been, he mused, if it hadn't come at three in the morning.

Ed said nothing at the door, rushing to get inside and out of the winter air. Roy was thankfully more awake than not. He must have been in a light sleep. And so he closed his front door and followed Ed into the living room feeling only slightly confused.

"Ed," Roy started, and then realized that Ed wasn't paying any attention to him anyway, was in fact pacing back and forth on the floor in front of the fire grate. Sighing, but feeling moderately concerned - Ed usually had enough manners not to barge into other people's homes in the dead of night, at least- Roy picked up a glove from the mantle, pulled it on, and lit the wood in the grate on fire. His task accomplished, he set himself down on the couch and waited for Ed to speak.

The fact that Ed remained silent was unusual enough that Roy's concern raised a notch. He watched Ed walk back and forth, not stopping to turn around but instead walking to one end of the living room, making a tight U-turn, and then walking back the other way. Roy wondered if he ought to offer the man some coffee or something, but Ed chose that moment to speak up.

Without altering his pace in the slightest, indeed without even looking at him, Ed threw out, "Back then, I really wanted you to be the first person I had sex with."

'Well, hello ditch,' Roy thought dryly. 'We've got to stop meeting like this.' Briefly, Roy considered just getting up and going the hell back to bed, but unfortunately his body had seeped into shock along with his brain and so he was effectively rooted to the spot.

Ed, seemingly oblivious to Roy's conundrum, not that the man didn't have enough on his own mind apparently, went on. "Winry wanted to have sex with me, but I said no. I mean, that's not normal, right? Someone's fiancée asks to have sex with him, then the guy should be pretty happy about it." Ed sounded most upset with himself, and Roy thought fleetingly of offering comforting words or sage advice, but his brain was stuck on the 'why' routine again. Not to mention waiting in vain for the ever-elusive tow truck.

How did Ed manage to say something like that without blushing? Roy was sure that if his brain hadn't been such a wreck his own face would be putting out some serious heat, never mind Ed's. And why was Ed telling Roy this? If someone would please just explain to Roy _why_ Edward Elric felt it his life's mission to turn Roy's own life upside down he'd be eternally grateful.

He realized, with a start, that Ed had stopped talking and was in fact looking at Roy impatiently, finally standing still and frowning at him. It was almost as though… 'Oh, for the love of-' Roy thought, with not a little trepidation. 'He actually expects me to respond?'

Well, if that was so, and apparently it was, Roy really only had one option. "Why," he asked, enunciating every word as though it were its own sentence, "are you telling me this, Ed?" He was tired. Roy's body was suddenly very tired, even more so than when he went to bed the night before, more than he had felt in a very long time. Oddly enough, his brain chose that moment to try turning the key again and the engine flared to life, not as dramatically as last time but starting back up again nonetheless.

Ed opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He looked lost, and Roy hadn't missed that expression in his eyes at all, the one he'd carried around while trying to get Alphonse back to normal, the one that said he was fighting for his life and didn't expect to win.

The last thing Roy thought Ed was going to do next was calmly walk out of his living room and back out through his front door.

Roy spent the next several hours pondering Ed, wondering what his life would be like if he was in a relationship with Edward Elric of all people, and if the young Rockbell woman could really hate him any more than she already did anyway. He couldn't even bring himself to wonder where Alphonse fit into all of this. Eventually, what he did do was rise up from the couch and routinely get ready for work.

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The wedding had been called off, unexpectedly and coldly if the rumors were to be accurately taken into account. Roy thought that was safe to do so in this case. Of course, he knew nothing about the matter first-hand because Ed had refused to show himself in the last month, had disappeared altogether, in fact. Roy really wanted to be mad. He wanted to be furious, because there was a part of him that felt cheated out of something he hadn't even thought to really grab hold of yet. Still, there was an equal part that couldn't quite help but feel extremely sorry about his inadvertent role in the whole mess.

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Three weeks later, and it was a bright Saturday afternoon when there was another knock on his door. Roy opened it to find Ed standing there looking remarkably at ease. For the first time in awhile, Ed seemed in no hurry to make a sudden comment that turned Roy's brain sideways. Instead, the man cocked his head slightly to the side. "Wanna go get something to eat?" he asked.

Roy studied Ed, studied the planes of his face and the settled look in his eyes, noticed the sun giving spectacular highlights to his hair and skin, and felt a faint smirk emerge on his own features. "I don't see why not," he agreed, "but we're _not_ taking the car." Ed's eyebrows rose into his hairline, and Roy felt his smirk widen. "Tow trucks can be _highly_ unreliable these days." Ed gave him a look that clearly stated he didn't know whether to be amused or concerned for Roy's sanity, but he acquiesced after only a moment's deliberation.

They walked the whole way to the restaurant close enough to bump shoulders.

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Their first kiss was with Ed's back against Roy's front door, Ed's flesh arm hanging around his neck, fingers curling in the back of his hair, Ed's automail arm kept almost carefully at Roy's elbow. Roy inhaled through his nose, slowly, smelled the beginning of spring, and ran his right hand along Ed's side before settling it on the other man's hip. His other hand grasped the automail one and brought it up to join Ed's flesh hand on his neck, then came back down to cart through the silk of Ed's hair before he wound his fingers in the base of the tail and slowly tilted Ed's head just the right amount. Ed hummed happily into Roy's mouth and pulled him in tighter.


End file.
